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"I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.Then I remembered – the local cafe serve breakfast until 11.30."Jesus Loves You."Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.Got caught having a piss in the local swimming pool today.The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a Muslim sneaking through next door's garden.Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.He then began to dig. The woman then formed an open mouth smile and Charlie's eyes grew wide as they saw the two fangs that grew from the roof of her mouth. She tilted his head to one side exposing his neck and sank her fangs into his jugular vein. Charlie screamed in fear and even more pain as his life blood was drawn from him. His screams became lower as he became weaker from blood loss. He would have fallen if she had not held him up. His racing heart slowed and finally stopped. When he was completely drained she withdrew her fangs.Her fingernails grew long and dagger sharp. With a single slash of them, she severed his head from the rest of his body and tossed it to the side. The nails on her hand shrank back to normal size. The husk that had once been Charlie's body tumbled to the floor. There was no bleeding for there was no blood left in the lifeless body.Samantha had witnessed the whole event as she had pushed herself along the couch and behind a chair in a futile effort to escape and hide. She had.
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